Go Limericks

Cross-cut?

A go player who found that his friend
caroused with his wife one week-end
fled and built a new life
with the other one's wife
explaining "Cross-cut? Extend!"

-- aokun

Cut, Cut All You Can

There was a Go player named Terry
Who had a daring, bold theory
Cut, cut all you can
Get yourself in a jam
Your opponent is bound to get weary!

-- Graeme Parmenter (originally, written from bad memory) (Everyone in New Zealand knew who the real Terry was)

(These ones are pretty poor, but it might start off something.)

There was a 3k player from Toulouse,
Who had a bad tendency to fall into a snooze.
So while he snored,
his opponent won the board,
upon waking he said "I didn't deserve to lose!"

(Not based on real a person, honestly)

There was a dan player from Gent,
Who saw the four in the corner were bent.
So he smiled from ear to ear,
As he pushed back his chair,
saying "That, my dear friend, was excellent"

-- MortenPahle

(Sorry for the non-Dutch speakers)

Er was eens een gobord en stenen
Aan de bar een stel prachtige benen
Een sente zet, snel !
Toen waren zowel
de vrouw als de aji verdwenen

DieterVerhofstadt

B+R

A tournament player from Bari
had plans for a furikawari.
Two moves down the line
he had to resign:
he'd missed a straightforward atari.

--Stefan

Speed

A student who hated to lose
took 5 or 10 minutes a move
his sensei said "while it's
a tedious practise"
at least it allows me to snooze

--Sc4rM4n

Shape

A room full of clam shell and slate
A painstaking game was my fate
We opened debates
Soon in dire straits
The sense of good shape came too late

--Dieter

Divine intervention

A Japanese insei on the way to Korea,
was playing on the boat crossing the sea.
On the gently rolling Goban
sliding stones helped his chuban,
he said 'Neptune must really like me !'

--MortenPahle

[BadHabits]

A brilliant nidan from Seattle
Annoyingly stones liked to rattle
Until a 1-kyu
With lots of glue
Brought tranquility back to the battle.

Rivals

In the midst of a heated jubango,
I made a hideous dango.
My opponent cried, "Right!
"I've got you tonight!"
And danced a gleeful fandango.

Theory/Practice

A book-learned high kyu? from Kent
In late chuban found cause to lament,
"I opened on tengen,
"Just like Go Seigen,
"But don't know where my influence went!"

An earnest young dan from Sri Lanka
Was getting the hang of the haengma.
Her stones flowed and surged,
Groups linked up and merged.
She said, "Soon my games'll all be in Ranka."

A rude and hotheaded shodan
At the club, had nary a fan.
Complaining of damage
Due to his rampage,
Said they, "he ruined a goban."

--TakeNGive

Here's another one! I'm Italian, so please forgive me if the metric is not correct... Ah! And, by the way, this is a little autobiographical... ;-)

 There was an old 3k of Roma
 Who always had a garlic aroma
 With his bodily smoke,
 his opponent would choke,
 That unfair 3k of Roma

--AvatarDJFlux

Can I suggest a variation?

 There was an old 3k of Roma
 Who always had a garlic aroma
 With his bodily smoke,
 His opponent would choke,
 And promptly fall into a coma.

;)

--Connector

Patchi

In last week's go course, Ms. Guo Juan
patchi'd a magnetic goban!
She showed the kiai
of Akira and Sai.
As you guessed, I'm a Hikaru fan.

--Stefan

Speaking of which, I submit
to her Go skills, humour and wit
"Interesting move !"
preluded the proof
my idea was a total misfit

--Dieter

Family Rivalry

There once was a young girl from Brooklyn
Whose Dad said, "We're racing to shodan!"
He'd taught her to play
But his edge lost its sway
After she finally bought her own goban.

--Regyt

I went to a toy-selling store
To ask for this game we adore.
A Go-set I craved
But left quite amazed -
It doesn't exist anymore!

(True story - when the shopkeeper said to me "That game doesn't exist anymore" she was referring to a specific edition a western toy company had once released. She didn't know there are also other editions....)

When playing among many flies
"How very annoying !" he cries.
Until, with a frown,
Looking where one sat down,
He discovers: "That group of stones dies!".

After analyzing the endgame components,
young Michael hesitated a moment;
then threw it against the wall --
goban, stones, and all --
prior to uppercutting his opponent.

Upon losing, Sue cried out in pain
and screamed "I never lose! This is insane!
You cheated! You suck!
I just had bad luck!"
Then typed: "Thanks for an excellent game."

(Dedicated to the IGS addicts)

Bildstein: This one's superb. I love it!

Scartol

Patience

A tourist in fair Hokkaido
Begged a wise man, "Just one game of Go!"
Said the learnèd sensei,
"Being so eager to play
Loses two stones in strength, don't you know."

I once sought to find a new way
To calculate best endgame play.
For weeks I did slave
But neglected to shave
And so found that I'd grown a gote.

KarlKnechtel

Hikaru no Go

A pale pimply kid told me "Yo!"
"Let us play a game of that go."
"I never played before now."
"But, I'll give you 9 stones and a bow,"
"'cause I read Hikaru no Go!"

--Skelley

The Dreaded Pincer

As much as I like to play Go
Some joseki I just do not know
  If I play a kakari
  To prevent a shimari
A pincer will cause me much woe.

--Alex Weldon

The Beginner

There was a Go Player from Detroit,

who thought his fuseki adroit.

The ladder he played,

left his stones filleted.

His opponent found his shape easy to exploit.

--KRITZ

SAI!!

I frequently wonder of sai

Is he a girl or a guy

he makes my head whirl

cause he's so like a girl

he crossdresses and i wonder why

--naruto3

Staring

Staring staring deep in my soul
Great mounds of shell echo a bowl
Go never lies
Now my demise
Eyes formed by black slate, color of coal

--naruto3

Drink to Go

The best way to approach a komoku
Is to sample your favorite brew
Get too drunk to see
That your kakari
Has ended in quite a snafu

To find the kami no itte
I emptied a bottle of sake
It then became clear
That the honte right here
Is to fill sake bottle in sente

more to come when I am sober... jwaytogo

Fast food

A dan-level baker from Gilling
Sold pizzas at three for a shilling:
The dough he would bake
In a nakade shape
With a stone in the center as filling.

--Gresil

The Mathematician

A mathematician from Kiel
Composed endgame tsumegos with zeal
He said, "Everyone's found,
that the solutions are sound,
but the way I construct them's surreal"

-- TheBigH

See also: Library limericks and Go Haiku