If Life Were Like Hikaru No Go

    Keywords: Humour

Hey, everybody! This page is for the discussion of what life would be like if Hikaru No Go was real! I've started a list, feel free to add to it! -IronChefSakai

Sorted by votes ('+'): democratic favorite first.

  1. Somehow watching Shusaku's games would take you from a beginner to an insei. +++
  2. Any setback would only strengthen your indomitable resolve to improve. +
  3. Everyone would grab their pant legs and make a guttural noise before resigning.++
  4. You could rapidly improve from 1p to at least 3p by refusing to play your scheduled matches.
  5. You would be showing your determination to win a game by placing your stones as if you were throwing punches.
  6. If you knew you were dying, the only thing you would tell your best friend would be "lets play", but obviously without ever telling them it's your last chance.
  7. The ghost of Shusaku would be lurking in a goban just waiting to make you the most badassed go player EVER[6] +
  8. You would bump into professional go players on the street +
  9. For some reason, everywhere you go, someone would be trying to swindle someone else out of something, and you'd save them by playing Go
  10. The board would light up in a little circle whenever you placed a stone (assuming you're the Meijin)
  11. You'd find pros, insei, and Shusaku himself playing regularly on the Internet[1]
  12. If you were really good, people would scheme up cheap ways to beat you and then they'd tell all their friends they beat you in an even game
  13. After a game, you could scoop up all of the stones at once and they'd magically sort themselves into the proper bowls. +
  14. Games played by middle school kids would strangely resemble pro games played years earlier.
  15. No kids would scream and yell and accuse their opponents of cheating if they lost.+
  16. Sweatdrop on your face? You lose.
  17. Deciding never to play Go again would make you violently ill.
  18. School bully would make you play blind Go.
  19. Not having angsty internal monologues while playing would mean you're just an extra.
  20. A child could simply announce to his mother one day that he has decided to go to the insei school to become a professional Go player, and this would get little resistance.+
  21. A quick look at one kifu and you will know the type of game that your adversary played and how much he has improved since the last time you played.
  22. A powerful headwind would blow against you each time you place a stone in a tense game
  23. You could beat anyone at your school at Go with one year of practicing, become a insei with two and become a pro with three.[2]
  24. You could be strangled or possibly beaten if you were suspected to be an all-powerful Go player known on the Internet.
  25. A insei or pro might have a heart attack from seeing a bad move.
  26. An old go player from the past could haunt go boards because his spirit still wanted to play go ^-^[6]
  27. Even though your entire team was sobbing hysterically at the end of the last tournament because they were slaughtered so badly, the next day you all agree that tournaments are a lot of fun and you can't wait for next year.
  28. you can remember an entire game by playing it^_^ [3]
  29. you can remember entire game after watching Shusaku play a couple of games by wathing it
  30. People wouldn't take the metaphorical imagery so literally (see #7).
  31. Every Chinese Go player would be able to speak Japanese fluently.
  32. Playing video games would be less fun than watching someone else play Go for 3 hours.
  33. People could easily log on to each other's Internet Go accounts without passwords.[4]
  34. Someone who hates Go would go to all the trouble of achieving lower-dan strength. (This isn't quite correct Kaga was low dan before hating go)
  35. Go-playing parents would disown their children for not being interested in Go.
  36. Everyone would treat bursting into tears in public after losing a game as the most appropriate reaction.
  37. You would regularly have entire conversations with people which consisted only of ad nauseam repetitions of their names, for example:
Akira: Shindou!
Hikaru: Touya!
Akira: Shindou...
Hikaru: T...Touya..?
Akira: Shin...dou.
Hikaru: Touya.
Akira: (angrily) SHINDOU!
Hikaru: (defiantly) Touya!
Sai: (sadly) Touya...
Hikaru: Sai?
Sai: (sighing) Hikaru...
Hikaru: S...Sai...
Akira: (with fear and yet an air of desperate anger and rage) Shindou!
Hikaru: (with annoyance yet a sense of inevitable destiny) Tou-yaaaaaaaaaa!
...and so it would go on... ^^ [5]

pwaldron: The comment about rapidly cleaning up the board after a game is interesting. I recently watched a pro putting the stones away after a teaching game and he was substantially faster than the amateur, but didn't seem to be rushing to get away. His method was to sweep stones of the same colour together into piles on the board, and then rapidly scoop them up with both hands into the bowls. From a certain angle, the motions really did look like it did on Hikaru.

[1]: This isn't actually far off; you just have to know where to look :) Guaranteed that at any given moment, there are at least 10 pros playing Go online.

[2]: Well, I could beat every one at my school at go after one year of practise...

Not hard to do in Canada :P

[3]: The insei could probably do that after watching the game for a long time, but a normal kid, nah.

Er, the example is after "playing" it. Any 1-dan amateur player should be expected to remember their games immediately after playing them, and stronger players can remember games they played even weeks or months (...much stronger players) later; even 10-kyus should be able to remember most of their own moves even if they can't remember all of their opponents'.

[4] What does this refer to? The fact that someone else played with the name Sai later? That often happens when an account runs out. There have been false Tartrates on KGS.

[5] What episode is this from?

[6] I don't think discussing plot devices is in place here. This is not a funny way to show Go, it's just part of the story.

Authors: IronChefSakai, BenjaminGeiger, Jared

If Life Were Like Hikaru No Go last edited by on May 30, 2014 - 19:42
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