|Table of contents||Table of diagrams
5,000 unsolvable Problems: black to live. "a" might be a good start.
Standard pattern from "10,000 unreadable Kifus".
The infamous nose-reddening move
Invading second line Moyos
Dango Argentino, from the same book
Author of the books
"How to lose a lost Game", "How to count in Sente" and "Cheating with Fun", Ushi Press In preparation: "Your Breakthrough to double digit Kyu" Also in preparation: "At the empty Goban. 361 starting points for uncreative Players."
Now new: "10,000 unreadable Kifus" & "5,000 unsolvable Problems", Drama Press A common technique is handing out the Tsumego to your opponent to frustrate him before your game. Complete with "help" to the starting point, but of course without real solution.
No one grasps what happened beneath the mythical "Fog of War".
"In very bad Shape." Bear Grylls on how he survived his first Go game and how he once survived the desert, only equipped with his worm infested Goban. "O sh-t, oshitsubushi!", after "1,2,3, Furikawari" this is the 2nd lecture about professional bragging in Go. Counter the self-confident shouts of "ATARI!" from your opponent with: "OIOTOSHI!!" and leave him wondering about that while you play still concentrated and crush him. If not, then fearlessly hurl a TENUKI from your tool belt. In preparation: "The Silent Subtle Psycho Series" Unnerve your opponent with subtle, unnerving sounds and smells like stinking socks & shrieking shouts. Also in preparation: "The Stones go dancing" and other dirty distractions for your opponent.
And Mirage Press proudly presents now:
"The Kifu of Horror" 50 horrible games of Go legends; e.g. the famous nose reddening auto atari. All invented. "I shortly thought of you during Byoyomi - and 6.5 other romantic Confessions to say to your Lovemate" "My opponent? Mostly harmless. Goodbye, & thx for the fish." Hitchhikers Guide novel; revised edition. Don´t forget your Goban. "Pretending to be nice" THE way for high Dan player how to let the weaker player do what he wants to do - as long as it´s bad for him. In the appendix: how to force him to do what he wants. "Yes, you can! - unexpected invading techniques & how to defend your position", wicked edition. "Radiant new Moves - How to slowly tear your Opponent apart." (Only if he takes white.) Note that this method requires polonium deposits. Especially effective with 1000 year- ko. Fancies up your Go board as well (might glow in the night. no guarantee for that). Complete with protection suit (only pink color left in stock). Not suitable for kids under 3 years of age.
Invading second line moyos Selected centre fights: black to play and die Secrets to living with the 3-3 Joseki Yose means it's time to party!
How to defend your Steak - Practical Go applications in real live Situations Video review on the mistake of a 5Dan here
Catch me If you can - How to taunt your opponent effectively When your Ship is sinking, go Dancing
"Dango Argentino" - note on the illustration how this Dango shape is perfectly put into place.
An excerpt from my bestseller "Randomly uttered stuff by random famous - and not so famous - Go players":
Lance Armstrong:"Go is like professional cycling- just you against the elements of truth, honesty and integrity." Cho Chikun: "It is not, what we... how shall I put it?" Go Seigen: "Never forget: the most important move is... no, forget it, just play. Cya." Donald Trump: "I met my 2nd, 4th, 7th and 9th wives through go." Muttley (about Joseki): "hmmmm...." Master Yoda (about strength): "The force strong in you is, young Padawan." Croakey Hobblefoot, the one legged pirate from Snake Island: "When I was younger, everyone in my household played go- father, mother, brother, sister, my pet snake and the man in the cellar." Tokee (playing go in a Café): "I'd like a coffee, too, please." Chuck Norris "A day isn't a day unless I have roundhouse kicked a goban."
thanks @Muttley for fun quotes & inspiration
It's not how one dies, its how one lives that truly matters. - Artemis Entreri Power is always a relative concept. - Yharaskrik There are reasons for things that a casual observer might not understand. - Jarlaxle If so powerful you are… why leave? - Yoda to foe (you see, his opponent was an escaper) It's the sensible, logical thing to do, of course, which is why we don't do it. - Tanis Halfelven
(a la Muttley)
Umezawa Yukari: Your style reminds me of Hikaru no Go. Me: Wow, Hikaru no Go. Thats some statement! Umezawa Yukari: To be more precise: you know of that girl, Akari Fujisaka that lost so badly against Hikaru with 24 handicap stones? Kobayashi Koichi: Your game reminds me of Lee Sedol. In one aspect, at least: you are taking too many risks. Takemiya Masaki: One might call your play also "cosmic": look, all ya groups are like dozens of stars, all with a single eye, and remind me of black holes. Cho Chikun: If you keep playing like this, I'll never play you again! Me: You can't, I already paid our next 20 lessons! Cho Chikun: That's why I hate Go!*
*Cho Chikun once stated he hates Go (despite his skill)
Berlin Ost, Start um halb drei Bis hier höre ich die Uhren Go Turnier, ich bin dabei Jemand stöhnt, er hat verloren Ob die Gruppe da vorn lebt? Werd' drei Steine dorthin legen Bis sie abhebt und sie schwebt Dem Tengen entgegen
In deiner Gruppe Muss die Freiheit wohl grenzenlos sein Alle Ängste, alle Sorgen Sagt man Blieben ihr gänzlich verborgen Und dann Würde was dir null und nichtig erscheint Plötzlich wichtig und mein
Ich seh' ihr noch lange nach Mit ihr kann was nicht stimmen Bis die Steine nach und nach Ganz lahm zur Ecke hinschwimmen Ihre Augen haben schon Jenen wicht'gen Punkt verloren Nur von fern' klingt monoton Das Summen der Ing - Uhren
In deiner Ecke Muss die Freiheit wohl grenzenlos sein Alle Ängste, alle Sorgen Sagt man Blieben ihr gänzlich verborgen Und dann Würde was dir null und nichtig erscheint Plötzlich wichtig und mein
Dann ist alles still, ich seh' Du haust dir auf deine Backe Irgendjemand kocht Kaffee Es sieht eher aus wie Schlacke In den Süppchen schwimmt Benzin Um die mache ich 'nen Bogen Das Grüppchen ist nun dahin Ich hätt' ungern verloren
Auf deinem Goban Muss die Freiheit wohl grenzenlos sein Alle Ängste, alle Sorgen Sagt man Blieben dir gänzlich verborgen Und dann Würde was dir null und nichtig erscheint Plötzlich wichtig und mein
mouseclick on goban achieving an art of shape a second seki
Waya eats mango, his opponent played dango; dangerous tango. I said to Sango: Thus play not with that dan go, play with that mango.
sip my drink at night watching go, someone plays cap - aji on the rocks
pachi* *clack* *pachi* stones they put, some took, stern look, - definitely baduk!
wei qi with homie, will win with my six komi - oh sh*t, byoyomi!
overconcentrate a crane steps past the window sensei yells: focus!!
the politicians: people that try to cap us to gain influence.
and now, a 1-3-1:
Go win by one point
Madonna: "Die another Day" quote: "...it´s not my time to Go." Wham!: "Wake me up, before you Go-Go" Etta James: "I´d rather Go blind" Yazoo: "Don´t Go" Nickelback: "Fight for all the wrong Reasons" Bryan Adams: "It cuts like a Knife" Destiny's Child: "I'm a Survivor" Michael Jackson: "Black or White" Fugees: "Killing me softly" Van Halen: "Jump"
... but the Group who dedicated most of their songs to Go, is Linking Park, of course:
"Breaking the Habit" "Dedicated" "Crawling" "I´ve given up!" "Never back down" "Easier to run with" "Pushing me away" "Technique" "In the End"
... and even more.
How to use the quotes as a teacher with audio: Put a "♩,♪,♫ or ♬" as comment on the stone/intersection, put e.g. "♬ - crawling" and let the music tell the rest. Thus, the pupils have something to remember.