Humour One-Liners

What about the superstitious go-player who never dared to play under a ladder?

Go all the way, go to GOTE.

Take my wife. She just appears to be an empty triangle.

Playing Go is like dancing: one bad move and your partner steps all over you.

Go players do it with efficiency.

Go players do it lightly.

Go players do it to the vital points.

Go players do it better because they're flexible.

Go players die and learn.

Go players do it all in the best possible taste.

Go players do it in sente.

Go players do it in the corner.

Go is all fun and games, until someone loses an eye!

Said the L group: "One eye, one leg, where's my parrot ?"

(OT: Monty Python's parrot sketch:  http://orangecow.org/pythonet/pet-shop.html)

Cho Chikun should offer breakfast go lectures. He could call them "Cho Chikun and Waffles"

Click here or the stones die!

This is from the AGA's banner ad. It seems like a fertile pattern: xxx or the stones die! Any ideas? Mtn View Mark

Don't close your eyes or the stones die.

In Go it's not how thick it is, it's what you do with it!

Didn't know where else to put this one, an inexplicably funny exchange between a friend and me:

Me: Dude, my pants are getting too big. Friend: Is that a ko threat?

Trash-talk: "Since you're not using sente, can I have it back?"

Overheard: "I don't know why I read. It's so unreliable!"

Absurd: one stone said to another, "You're dead, aren't you?" The other stone replied, "Hey, you can talk!!!!!"

Scartol: My cat is a shodan. She has a really good understanding of miai.

I heard John Ashcroft is also a shodan. He's become an expert at stealing liberties. Har!

For more along these lines, check out Celebrity Wannabe Go Players

The nice thing about gote is that you don't have to ponder very long.

Little known football (American Football) rule: If 4 defensemen sack the quartback all at once, it's worth 30 points.

Girlfriends lead to shortage of liberties. (applicable to any significant other, of course)

Overheard at the go club: "No! How dare you tenuki!" - Warfreak2

Keep an eye on your liberties!

"Tony! Where's your territory?" Kibbitzed by Tamsin to her friend Tony while watching a game a Chester Go Club. (It's all very well destroying territory, but you've got to make some too!)

The perfect komi is zero: every time i play against my clone we end up in one big seki.

I will win this game with my eyes closed....

That is a thankyu move (Guy Belmans at the Namen go-congres)

Next James Bond Title: Die! at the blink of an eye

DJ: I have a very dirty one-liner, but I do not dare to put it here...
Shall I forget about it, or should I create a well-hidden page to put dirty jokes about go??!? ;-)))

-Just put it here, and if there's some protest, we'll move it somewhere else or something...

Is it a good joke which happens to be dirty, or a joke that is dirty in order to be funny? In the latter case it's not worth posting --Arno

Uh... er... I'm not sure I can tell the difference... :-)
Anyway, no special reason to bother about this, not putting the one-liners doesn't certainly threat the life of me groups! If someone really dies for a dirty joke I can always send them privately... (DJ, the dirty jokes dealer)

Enfors: Here's a slogan that I thought up the other day (I'm sure I'm not the first one to do so): "... life, liberty and the pursuit of territory". It's a reference to the famous line "... life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" from the American Constitution http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life,_liberty_and_the_pursuit_of_happiness. I think it would look cool on a go t-shirt, or something.

Herman: Something similar is one of the old mottos (the one for 2004-05-17). But yeah, I agree it'd be good on a T-shirt :-)

When a beginner asks why two eyes live, reply with "Because you can't insert yourself into two holes at the same time ;)" - EQ