1001 Uses for a Dead Go Stone
101 Uses for a Dead Go Stone
27 March 2000
Competitors at a Pair Go tournament were asked to produce 101 uses for a dead go stone. Here is what they came up with!
Use as earplug (for a go player already deaf in one ear). Monocle for a one-eyed go player. Put in your shoe to make you limp (or pocket as a contraceptive). To rub together with a penny if you don't have two. Substitute for a two-headed coin (to see who gets to play black). Weight on arm of record player when playing uneven records. Surprise centre for a chocolate. Draw noughts & crosses in sand. Place in collecting tin when broke and too embarrassed to refuse. Put on chain round neck as pendant. Put on chain and use to hypnotise opponent. Keep in fridge in case of nose bleeds. Squash creepy crawlies without getting finger squishy. Win skimming stones against opponent who has picked last pebble off beach. Keep toes apart while applying nail varnish. A paperweight to stop a stamp blowing away. Stick to toe of shoe for syncopated tap dancing. Safety device on milk bottle top to prevent blue tits getting the cream. Prop open cat's mouth when administering medication. Mount as a fridge magnet. Put on elastic and use as an eye patch for fancy dress pirates. In a Coke can behind the wedding car. Paint it red for Red Nose Day. Fashion earring. Discus for small animal. Device for sabotaging hoovers Mark place where seeds were planted. Make Newton's cradle. Tie into exotic hairstyle. As an assassination tool - just slip it into your opponent's mint imperials to make them choke. Grind up and add to enemy's food. Wedge it under a wobbly table leg so the live ones stay still. Part of a decorative flower arrangement - put in the water and watch it sparkle. A new form of computer storage - the ishi drive. A spare wheel for your nephew's toy car. Placed strategically on your score pad so your opponent can't see you've forgotten how to spell their name. Cake decoration. To measure the depth of a wishing well. Bead on a necklace. Ammunition for catapult. Circle template. To heighten - stick on the bottom of your shoe. Eye or button on a snowman. Nose plug - when swimming and to prevent snoring. Cork/bottlestop. Weightlifting equipment for ants. Bead for curtain that hangs in a doorway. Hopscotch stone. Substitute draughts piece. Melt down and reshape into something useful. Cracker novelty. Use in rattle/maracca. Play conkers with it. Finding a go stone in a haystack (less dangerous than a needle). Tiddlywink. Putting up a car exhaust pipe. To fill in your opponent's territory at the end of a game. Stepping stone in a miniature garden. Fake nail head on big old oak doors. Your travelling companion is asleep when you arrive to pick them up- throw stone at window to wake them Break in half when loved one goes to war as a broken token for identification or safe return. Practising CPR. Brooch. Pea for a pea shooter. Spot on a dalmation. Knock baby coconuts off stands. Carry in handbag in case of emergency.
Making imprints in the ground to fool a stalker (hop and print beside foot to make Sherlock Holmes think you're a peg leg). Elementary juggling practice. As a gift to the go player who's "one go stone short of a full bowl". Substitute ice hockey puck. Put under your girlfriend's feather mattress to see if she's a princess. A go player's door knocker. Drop in your coffee - count the ripples. Sticking to the end of Nelson's telescope ("I see no ships!"). For dropping into the conversation. Uncovering the numbers on a scratchcard. A free gift in a cereal packet ("Collect the set!"). A plectrum for accompanying go songs. Put in the hole in the dyke when it's the little Dutch boy's bedtime. Attach to the end of index finger as a tobacco tamper for pipe smokers. Put in toilet cistern to reduce water usage. Hang from hat instead of corks. Throw at caterwauling cat Drop from Eiffel Tower to kill people. Use as bean in blind-baking of flan case. Block bagpipe drone. Ear for model of Mickey Mouse. Milk token. In gizzard of large bird for grinding food. Navel ornament. Base for a Subbuteo player. Training device for young snake learning to swallow eggs. Use as IOU in piggy bank. Make fake video of flying saucer. Paint brown and use as lentil decoy. Roughage. Counting bead on abacus. Carry in pocket to remind you of something. Put over eye to block light when snoozing. Worry bead. Use to test pockets for holes. Diminutive curling stone. Put up nose if you need an excuse to visit hospital casualty department. Make into button. Hang from Christmas tree. Use as bait in go-player trap. Hide it and play hunt the go stone. Hold black piece in front of sun to simulate eclipse. Hide in Christmas pudding if you can't afford sixpence. Experiment to see if dropped black and white pieces fall at same speed. Chopsticks practice object. Store in freezer, then put down someone's neck to administer shock. Hollow out and use to smuggle cocaine. Feed to Venus fly trap that you don't like. Study thermodynamics by seeing which colour gets hotter in sun. Keep hanky on head from blowing away in windy resort. Use as spot on sculpture of fly agaric. Throw into path of pursuing cyclist to disrupt them. Pass off as rare flat pearl. Fish tank ornament. Carry white stone to be seen in dark. Use as fullstop on advertising billboard. Use on Pearly King costume. Test visibility distance in fog. Make message in sand when marooned on desert island. Have implanted under scalp to pass height requirement for job. Feed to ducks to make them sink. Sew onto jumper to make designer garment. Put in hat in case you need to nut someone. Tape over heart to deflect bullets. Jam up slot machines. When playing go outdoors on a hot day and troubled by wasps, spread with jam and place at a distance. To jam the treadmill wheel of your opponent's hamster-powered computer. Door stop in a doll's house. Ballast on a hot air balloon. An emergency replacement for your glass eye.
- to mark an empty position in rod calculus