MFM
MFM learned how to play go by himself in a dark room many moons ago. A short while later he ventured to college and played a few times with others, often crushing them. One of those he defeated left for a summer break and came back with renewed vigor, to win every game they played. This depressed MFM.
Later on, MFM was living in Chicago and playing with the universities' go clubs, as well as occasionally visiting the No Exit cafe, a haven for go players in north North Chicago. It was at this time that he joined the AGA and played in a tournament, receiving the rank of 13 kyu. (It was also at this time that he was invited to go dumpster-diving behind the pizza restaurants by a fellow go player... an invitation he (unwisely?) refused.)
Even later in life (MFM must be quite old by now), he lived in South Korea, where he was confused by the new name of the game (paduk), but played on occasions when he was not overly confused with everything else in life. (Or perhaps it was WHEN he was confused that he played?)
Although for the past few years he had not played at all, a friend recently cajoled him into playing a few games, at which point he lost all sanity and has become, in the least attractive sense of the word, an addict. Shunned by normal society, he holes up in his room on the weekends, playing game after game on IGS. Each loss fuels his fire to play, his insane drive to lose just one more game.
He has checked out every single go book available through the local libraries, and intends to begin (gasp!) spending money of his own acquiring go learning materials... as soon as he has any money. (And possibly before!)
He stands before you proud of his shame, wearing a large t-shirt with this logo on the front:
And this printed on the back:
"Go players take your stones, they do not mate"
(Well, actually, he only thinks he has such a shirt. In reality, his clothes are as descript as his personality and life.)
As he sits and waits for his internet connection to reestablish itself, he begins to question the impetus that caused him to write this terrible, pathetic, accurate description of himself.
One second later in establishing itself and this description might cease to be...