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Scartol's Go Musings
21 January 2004Some people have asked me what books I've found most useful. So here's a list of the books I've read. I figure maybe I could do some armchair reviewing as I go through others.
I got a good idea for a new 3D work tonight; hopefully I'll be able to make it happen sometime soon. 14 January 2004I haven't been playing many even games lately. Most of my play has been against students. I've developed a tactic for discouraging play that is too close. I lost a big group tonight; no matter how hard I try to avoid the frustration, I always get very steamed by such losses. The worst part is that I could have lived, but I got greedy and lost everything. I should make a tally of every time that happens. I could keep it with me and glance at it during games when I'm tempted by the demons of avarice. 25 November 2003
I've begun working in Bryce 5.0 (I had been using 1.0). A taste of what's to come is now available at 21 November 2003
I've started work on a 3D Go animated movie. You can see a tiny little teaser at 8 November 2003I've finally reached an equilibrium of sorts on the goban. I've been playing lots of Go with my students at school (I'm a high school English teacher). Seeing their enthusiasm and showing them the ropes has helped me realize just how far I've come in the two short years I've been playing. It's still frustrating when I lose, especially in even games. But I recognize that I've got lots of skills and I understand many of the game's concepts.
Meantime, I've been making some new Go art. Check it out at 23 October 2003Two months later and very little has changed. I'm still losing quite regularly -- I win many games where I give large handicaps (4+), but it's been weeks since I've won an even game. Part of this, probably, has to do with the burgeoning Go club at the high school where I teach. Each day I play three teaching games. On the one hand, this has helped my life and death skills, insofar as I am looking more keenly at how to murder the groups that I inevitably split up on the board. But the downside is that I have to assume that my students won't realize that many of my attacks are bluffs. Ergo, the "try this and see if you can get away with it" mindset carries over into my even games. Tonight my opponent saved a very badly wounded group inside a big territory of mine because I made one stupid mistake at the end of the game. I would have lost anyway, but I wouldn't feel so stupid. The worst part is that I thought for five solid minutes about the move before I made the mistake -- so it wasn't the usual rapid play that was to blame. I just didn't read it out carefully enough. Sigh! Oh well, tomorrow's another day. At least I can consistently win against a nine stone handicap -- it shows that I've got some kind of skill, even as my KGS rank oscillates in perfect periodic harmony between 8k and 9k. I think I'm matching the regularity of the planet's tides by now. 28 August 2003I'm still losing, but I've been busy with other stuff so I haven't paid it too much mind (lost last night by 20 points, but it was okay because I played fairly well and made two kills -- so i was happy)..
The reason for this post is: I've finally done a piece of Go-related fiction writing in my Matrix blog: 24 August 2003As I play, I am pursued by the demon of greed. I am thrilled by my potential for destruction, and it blinds me to the realities of my own weaknesses. I chase the hungry ghosts on the board, reaching for places that don't exist. I create delusional possibilities and fail to recognize them as delusions. I predicate my strategy on a dream, then refuse to awaken. I confuse flexibility with aimlessness. I forfeit one plan for a second and then a third, and lose them all. I am trying to change. 19 Aug 2003I'm in another slump. Part of it is that I'm playing too quickly (the fan helps a little, but not enough, apparently), but I can also feel myself becoming less sure of myself in some situations -- which usually means my horizons are broadening and I'm considering new moves (a step toward growth, I'm told). I know the healthiest thing would be to take a break (avoid playing again tonight, even). But I won't -- I'll continue playing online, I'll probably play too quickly due to my burning desire to break the losing streak, and lose even more. It's true that recognizing one's problems is half the battle -- but once you've done that, the other half becomes the whole. 27 July 2003
I stayed up until 6 AM last night making new I won two games tonight at a friend's house by resignation. Woo! I'm playing more slowly and carefully -- you know, that helps! Who would have thought? When playing online, I've taken to holding a fan in my right hand. I'm still playing too quickly and making silly mistakes, but I've slowed down a lot. And finally tonight: I purchased an excellent cartoon book this weekend called The Tao Speaks, an interpretation by Tsai Chih Chung of the Tao Te Ching. In the first section (presenting the basic ideas), the importance of focus, dedication, and antisuperficialism is shown with a cute fellow playing Go. Someday I'll scan it in and upload it. 24 July 2003
Last night I went to the Today I played an abominable game wherein I resigned after many, many blunders that I could have avoided with three seconds' worth of thought. In frustration, I have created the following warning sign, and pasted it at the top of my monitor. Perhaps it will help me to avoid racing through my online games.
Do other people do the same thing (Play too quickly online)? Andrew Grant: Absolutely - it's one reason why I've given up on internet go (except for Dragon, which is turn-based). I think playing too quickly is commonplace on the real-time servers. I suspect that this tendency can hamper the progress of those who can only play online due to geographical isolation etc. Are there any examples of people reaching high-dan level without ever having played over-the-board? Charles Ummm - would KGS 5 dan count? Not quite the exclusive club it once was, I think. (Reasons become clearer to me, since KGS wants to align with AGA ranks, and the AGA - according to stuff posted on SL - regards sandbagging as more serious than overgrading.)
Anyway, it is obviously correct that server go has its thrash side, which can be detrimental. Tamsin: Have you looked at How To Avoid Blunders? The squeeze ball method might suit you. Scartol: Yeah, I saw that and I tried it for a little while, but it just felt weird, and when capturing a second-line stone, for instance, I couldn't bring myself to wait between obvious moves. Then when something non-obvious comes up, I still just race into it. I feel like the squeeze ball is a kind of placebo at this point, which substitutes for my willingness (or rather, lack thereof) to slow myself down. Like putting speed bumps on a street and having the driver (me) race over them anyway. Eventually it will catch up with my suspension, but all I can see is that finish line. The crazy thing is that there really is no benefit to playing quickly, aside from a tiny psychological advantage that may or may not be gained. I know this in the back of my mind, but when I start clicking, all I can see is the speed. I'm like those people in 2 Fast 2 Furious. Charles Actually, I do recommend making a game record - one of the few things that has helped me in practice (the others are (a) no coffee and (b) drink water). 8 July 2003I wish I could report that I've made some kind of progress since writing my last entry, but alas, the reason I'm writing now is to vent the incredible rage and frustration I feel as a result of the game I just played. My opponent invaded a moyo I had built on the bottom, and took it all away when I responded poorly. He also split me up on the left and when I challenged him in the endgame, he chomped up more of my territory. I lost by 40 points. In two hours, I'm supposed to go and celebrate a friend's birthday -- so between now and then I have to find a way to expunge this putrid anger that I have inside of myself. I hate feeling like this; the fear of this feeling causes me some serious trepidation on the board lately. I get scared that I'll lose big like this, and get angry at myself, so I tremble when I sit down to play. Several months ago I took a week-long break from Go because I couldn't deal with the self-imposed pressure. I wish I could step back and remember it's just a game. But when I screw up as badly as I did tonight, it feels like much more. Let it go.. Let it go.. No attachments. Sigh. Rich: Even Kageyama warns against getting this way (I was just rereading the book for about the 20th time). Sitting at the board, terrified of what your opponent's going to do to you, dreading the invasions... Strangely, I'm the opposite - if I lose, I want to get back and play some more. If I win, I don't want to spoil the good feeling of the victory by losing, so I stay away. I think go allows much more of your personality to come through than many games, so a loss feels more of a personal failing. Not wanting to sound too 'Dr. Phil', but perhaps you can take some lesson away about how you deal with setbacks in general? Scartol: The interesting thing is that I generally do okay with losses. The key here is that, even if I lose, I don't get upset -- indeed, after I wrote the above, I played two games with 7k opponents and lost each by 15 points, and felt great. Why? Because I played relatively well. It's only when I make a really stupid bonehead error because I don't think before each move that I get so frustrated. Anyway, I'm feeling much better now after my two bonehead-error-free losses. Thanks for the feedback, Rich. Good to know someone's reading this babbling. =) 22 June 2003Tonight at the social gathering of players here in Madison, Wisconsin, we watched the episode of HikaruNoGo wherein the Chinese player (I forget his name) lectures Isumi-san on controlling his emotions on the goban. I realized that this is my #1 problem -- in both the negative and the positive. When I lose a group, I have difficulty recovering -- I've done it; last week I lost a huge group and still kept it together enough to win the game. But in general my confidence drops when I lose a fight or a group -- and it affects my play greatly. But the flip side of this is that I get cocky and overconfident when I win a fight. Go is the only activity/game I've ever played that has this effect on me; usually, I can take my victories in stride. But when I capture something on the goban, I get such a rush that I lose sight of the rest of the board. The corollary problem here is that when an opportunity for such a capture arises, I lose sight of the whole board and zero in on the local fight. If I win the fight (maybe 25% of the time if I'm lucky), the rush of that is enough to satiate me when I lose -- which I usually do. If I lose the fight, I've usually spent all the rest of my influence capital, and ruined my position on the board. This is the #1 thing I need to work on right now. My other problem is premature invasion. I feel nervous if my opponent (especially a stronger opponent) makes a large moyo, and I feel the need to get in there before it gets more solid. I need to work on recognizing how shimaris can be as valuable as invasions (or is that in ControversialStatements ?) I met a guy on KGS tonite who said he really enjoyed my posts, so it's nice to see some organic response to my ramblings here. Hello to you if you're reading this, sir. That's it for now.. 7 June 2003I got my shirts today -- yay! I especially like the Hikaru fanshirt. I expect it will be a big hit at the club. In a game I played last night, I happened to kill a big group and my opponent resigned (I say "happened to" because it wasn't intentional until about four moves before the kill -- I was just push, push, pushing along and suddenly I realized I had cut off a big chunk with only one eye). Now, I've never done crack, but I can't imagine that the thrill there is nearly as rewarding as the feeling I get from a game like that. Someone in the Wings room said he prefers to win games "without having to kill big groups." Pfff. Of course, after a win like that (especially in the evening, when I'm getting tired), I can't play another game because if I lose, the high will evaporate. I don't think there's any question about IsGoAnAddictiveDrug.
Got an email from a guy at the BGA who wants to put some 3 June 2003I got 2 new books from Kiseido today, and have begun devouring Attack and Defense by Ishida and Davies. I like the series (Elementary Go Series) because each book seems to reorient my thinking in a way that makes me wonder "How was I seeing it any other way?" Otake Hideo's book did the same thing.
I added a new shirt to the 25 May 2003Inspired by the blogs of DougRidgway and Hyppy, I've claimed this space to keep track of some random thoughts about the Great Game. I don't have enough faith in my ability to update (I've been lax in even reading the RecentChanges lately) to call it a blog, so instead it's the more elegant-sounding Random Musings (cue warm strings). As an English teacher in a public school, I've grown used to teaching to students who (outwardly at least) don't give a damn about what I've got to say. So participating here and at the GTL has been alarming -- my "students" actually listen, and sometimes even respond! Glory be!
So, I hope to use this space to continue with my preaching (see Scartol, et al. in WhatItMeansToBeASensei, CommunicatingWithIdioticAbbreviations, etc). Feedback is encouraged, although I can't promise any sort of timely response.
I got my first order at the We're up to 18,000 hits on the art page; I'd like to make 20k by the end of the summer. I often wonder if the majority come for the 3D art, or the Hikaru wallpaper. Maybe I should put them on separate pages each with its own counter. I haven't made any new pix for a while, mostly because I've run out of ideas. I could do more joseki, but I can only get so excited about doing variations on the 4-4 corner approach. Ideas, please! Hikaru79: Heh, ever since seeing your site for the first time about a month ago, my desktop hasn't had anything on it but 3D go art. I must say, your work is truly amazing! ^^ If you are out of ideas for new images, may I suggest doing another half-completed pro game, like the one on "Kato's Attack and Kill." That one graced my desktop for two solid weeks, it was just so appealing! ^^ If you're really bored one day, I know II (and probably many others), would look forward to a whole-board position. =D Keep up the awesome work! This is a copy of the living page "Scartol's Go Musings" at Sensei's Library. ![]() |