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Humour Almost Proverbs
    Keywords: Humour

Some proverbs that never made it to the Go playing community:

  1. Never try to smoke a bamboo joint
  2. Hitting your opponent on the head with a wooden stick is vulgar style
  3. When you have a train to catch, resign. [1]
  4. Strange things happen at the 17-14 point
  5. The first line is the edge of the board
  6. Play fast, lose fast. Play slow, lose slow
  7. The empty sake bottle shape is negative
  8. Learn the wallet stealing tesuji
  9. Learn the Tenuki tesuji
  10. Strong players walk straight
  11. The strongest player knows the way to the restaurant.
  12. The walls may have ears, but they don't have eyes.
  13. If throwing in doesn't work, try throwing up.
  14. Play kikashi before you forget.
  15. Tenuki before you forget.
  16. Don't die with gote. [4]
  17. Faint in the east before attacking the west
  18. Lose 100 stones as quickly as you can.
  19. Since everything works in Theory, let's move there.
  20. A stone on the board is worth two in the bowl.
  21. An oddity, an oddity, always an oddity.
  22. Give me liberties, or give me death.
  23. It is better to dip your fingers in the coffee than to try to drink the stones.
  24. Know the time-stealing tesuji.
  25. White is always keeping the black stone down.
  26. Don't play Go in the nude if you don't have the stones.
  27. Even a moron peeks at an open skirt.
  28. The 9 stone handicap does not qualify you for government disability.
  29. Joseki addiction is a symptom of brain hormone deficit. (Taken from [ext] Hiroshi's Go Proverbs)
  30. Don't play a time stealing tesuji with your first move
  31. When in doubt, tenuki.
  32. Let him that is without gote place the first stone. --Simon Goss
  33. Reading Western Authors on Go Loses 4 stones strength. [3] --Stevertigo
  34. Except when you are trying to understand Bill Spight; you either gain 2 stones or lose 2 stones in strength; it's Miai. [2]
  35. Read Hikaru and lose two stones in strength. Watch Hikaru and lose four.
  36. (Based on the above:) Whatever you do, you'll lose 2 stones in strength.
  37. If at first you don't succeed, die, die again.
  38. Don't overlook the rest of the board. (Look it over, but don't overlook it? ;-)
  39. Rules strength and playing strength are independent. --was: Ing Chang-ki
  40. Sacrifice every group of fewer than 7 stones! --Russian proverb
  41. It is better to die in good shape than to live in bad shape. --RobertJasiek
  42. Strange things happen in byoyomi.
  43. Cut first, ask questions later
  44. When in doubt, tenuki -- but don't be in doubt when attached!

Government health warning: Applying these proverbs to your games may seriously damage your strength.


[1]: This one is true!! Someone I know missed her train because she kept on playing while she was behind - even though I warned her using this proverb :-) Jan

[2]: Seriously though, thinking about endgame plays like Bill does has slowed down my yose play to a Molasses Ko speed and moreover killed my intuition. What's worse, my endgame does not seem to be impoving at all. Maybe there's some good advice there: don't try to understand Bill's stuff until you are at least 10 kyu (rough estimate, please adjust, fellow deshi): You won't (understand Bill) and certainly you can't (emulate him). Or you might try... :-) But then I'll catch you in a ladder ...

I'm just glad there is no such strict analysis for fuseki yet... I (think I) can still do that quite well! -- Jan

Bill: Seriously, I play yose by intuition. Do calculation away from the table. In time you'll see the biggest plays, and how to get tedomari.

As for strict analysis for fuseki, learn tewari. :-)

And identifying miai is valuable in all stages of the game. :-)

[3] I think that Charles Matthews, Pieter Mioch, and Rob Van Zeijst are all excellent Western Go authors. :-) (Not that I have read anybody else.) --BillSpight

I agree, Bill, and I think this proverb may be soon completely obsolete, but I put it there for historical accuracy : it only recently was certainly true. :D --Stevertigo

By the standard of that proverb Reading Eastern Authors on Go Loses 5 stones strength on average. --RobertJasiek

[4] From [ext] http://users.skynet.be/rexburton/ritchie.htm :

Get strong at Gote



This is a copy of the living page "Humour Almost Proverbs" at Sensei's Library.
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